As a first-person essay, our reviewers have not verified this. MyndStories doesn’t necessarily endorse these views and should be considered as lived experience only.
Ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you just can’t measure up?
This story is about coercion by labels, handed-down to us and upheld by the society we are a part of.
Labels such as a ‘loser’.
Society throws success metrics at us like age, income, and job titles, leaving many feeling like failures – ‘loser’ – even when we’ve achieved a lot.
The habits of society
For years, I chased those external markers of success, convinced it would make me happy. This relentless pursuit, fueled by societal expectations, led me to label myself a ‘loser’ when I fell short.
The pressure to be a ‘chameleon,’ adapting to prescribed roles, left me exhausted and disconnected from what truly mattered to me.
Think about it: ‘survival of the fittest’, ‘growth mindset’ and ‘skin in the game’. Most are misinterpretations.
That’s pressure for you. Business as usual. Over time, with everyone around you chasing success, we tend to either get labelled or label ourselves.
We internalize labels like ‘loser,’ leading to a crippling fear of failure and hindering our personal growth.
Success metrics as they stand:
- Age
- Income
- Company
- Designation
- Material wealth.
- Family background
- Relationship status
- Looks and behaviour (masculinity)
- Education from prestigious institutions
The struggle is real. I know they are. Or at least I thought I did.
“But aren’t they just material constructs?”
If success (therefore, failure) are mere constructs, does the term ‘loser’ truly exist, or is it merely a societal imposition?
Recognizing ‘labels’
There is a dark underbelly to labels. Darker, but real.
We have been taught to focus on the symptom, but not the root cause.
And the symptoms of being labelled look like this:
- Burnouts
- Panic attacks
- Knee-jerk reactions
- Mental health issues
- Personality disorders…
The list goes on. Layers upon layers, generation after generation.
But this hypothesis needs an example. Take me, a self-labelled ‘loser’.
- The pressure to succeed created a perfectionist mindset.
- Pursuing success led to chronic stress at the expense of balance.
- Excessive ambition led to burnout and decreased reasoning ability over decades.
- Let me not get started on relationships.
But how did this negativity come into existence? It had to start somewhere
We all started somewhere
True story: I termed myself ‘a loser,’ a reaction to my self-review—the highest form of failure. I just wasn’t aware of it. Words never came to me, just the emotions of being one.
Few can escape the psychological effects of being labeled a ‘loser’. This potent term affects self-esteem, incites fear of failure, and can hinder personal and professional growth.
This became debilitating over time, causing me to shy away from new opportunities in my professional and personal lives. I got lost and trampled in this stampede of one.
Trying to match predetermined metrics of success and failure was a habit for me. That’s the concerning part—how being branded ‘loser’ became a self-fulfilling prophecy, entrenching me in a cycle of underachievement and subsequent labeling.
The last straw was a burnout so bad, a rabbit hole so deep that I, despite being in ‘fight or flight’ mode for decades, became acutely aware that I couldn’t continue living like this.
You see, if I hadn’t labeled myself, someone else would have. They are constructs we, you and I, bestow on ourselves or others, learning from each other as we ‘grow’ up.
Redefining labels by getting rid of them
No ‘label’ should have the power to govern our self-worth. Transitioning to the concept of success, we find that it varies from culture to culture and society to society. A ‘loser’ can only exist if ‘success’ exists.
Success, in many societies, is viewed through tangible achievements: a high-paying job, a luxury car, a picture-perfect family. But the pitfall of this success model surfaces when it starts clashing with personal life goals and individual definitions of accomplishment.
Work-life balance? Isn’t work a part of life? When did we give it equal or higher significance than life in its entirety?
Add to this the rampant distribution of ‘labels’ with social media perfection, and more and more youngsters are proving it right.
Actually, take a break. Go to Google and type this in: ‘Every achievement becomes just a stepping stone to the next.’
Toxic positivity abounds. That’s how deep success is ingrained in our society.
If we clear the smoke, we see a clear relationship between societal pressure and labeling, especially in our achievement-obsessed society.
How I dismantled the illusion of success
There are ways out. By questioning these imposed metrics, I redefined success for myself. It wasn’t about chasing a title or a car; it was about pursuing what truly matters to YOU.
I can narrate and openly admit to my label is external intervention. I decided to approach a psychologist, and that has changed my life. But that’s a story for another day. Right now, we stick with labels.
- Start by recognizing success as subjective. It depends on your culture and what’s important to you.
- Question your priorities for work over other aspects of life. By conforming to societal molds, we risk losing sight of our true desires.
- To be happy, question what you value most in life.
- Don’t be afraid to get help from a therapist to figure out what you really want. It’s not a sign of weakness, it can help you be healthier and happier.
- Be patient! Give yourself time. Unravelling layers upon layers takes time.
Remember: Labels and societal expectations are constructs we, as a collective, impose on ourselves and others. The intent is to pull you away from false constructs and what’s left standing is a healthier mindset.
