It often starts without warning.
There is a growing sense of guilt late at night when your laptop is still open and the laundry is still waiting to be folded. Your calendar is overflowing with meetings, errands, and forgotten texts from loved ones. You tell yourself that if you could just find the right balance, things would feel easier. That being said, what if the problem is not your time management but the very idea of balance itself?
In a post-pandemic world, where resilience has become a survival skill and hustle culture still lingers, many people are quietly burning out (O’Neill, 2024; Buontempo, 2025) The modern promise of work-life balance suggests that with enough discipline, one can achieve a perfect equilibrium between professional ambition and personal wellbeing. However, for most, this ideal feels not only impossible but also punishing.
We continue chasing this dream because we have been taught that balance is a sign of personal virtue. A good employee, a caring parent, and a responsible adult are all expected to manage their lives with equal dedication to work, wellness, and relationships. Behind this message lies an exhausting truth: trying to keep everything in perfect alignment can feel like being under constant surveillance. Every moment is measured. Every hour is judged. You start to wonder whether you’re doing enough, or being enough, at any given time.
This pursuit of balance often becomes a trap. And slowly, it drains our emotional and physical energy.
When balance turns into pressure
The idea of work-life balance was never designed to suit everyone’s reality. It originated in Western corporate cultures as a response to burnout among professionals in the 1980s (Khasnobis, 2024). In a society where many people juggle multiple roles and responsibilities, the pressure to achieve balance often feels both unrealistic and alienating.
For women, caregivers, and female professionals especially those carrying the weight of generational responsibility balance can feel more like a burden than a goal. Everyday realities like loadshedding, rising living costs, and uneven access to mental health support structures make the ideal of balance feel not only out of reach but unfairly imposed.
Psychologist and author Dr Devon Price argues in his book “Laziness Does Not Exist” that many people have internalized the belief that rest or slowness is a form of failure. In his words, “The human body is so incredible at signaling when it needs something. But we have all learned to ignore those signals as much as possible because they’re a threat to our productivity and our focus at work.”
The shame that lives in the gaps
Perhaps the most damaging result of the work-life balance myth is the shame it breeds. When we fall short – when we are too tired to cook, too busy to rest, or too overwhelmed to be present – we don’t blame the unrealistic demands. We blame ourselves.
This kind of shame doesn’t show up dramatically. It creeps in slowly. It tells you that you are not doing enough, even when you are doing everything you can. It makes you feel like you are constantly failing, even when you are simply trying to survive.
Dr Gabor Maté, whose work explores the link between stress, trauma, and health, argues that people often disconnect from their authentic needs in order to meet external expectations. Over time, this disconnection affects not only our mental health but also our physical wellbeing. In his view, when we live in constant performance mode, the body eventually keeps score.
Even when wellness is promoted in workplaces through mental health days, yoga classes, or flexible hours, the responsibility to cope still falls on the individual. Arianna Huffington, after collapsing from burnout in 2007, launched Thrive Global as a movement to address this. But despite her efforts, the dominant narrative still suggests that we need to fix ourselves in order to keep up with broken systems.
Psychologist and minister Dr Thema Bryant reminds us of something powerful:
“You can’t heal in a space that is committed to keeping you sick.”
This quote captures the quiet tragedy of the work-life balance myth. We keep striving to heal ourselves through the very patterns and pressures that are exhausting us. The problem isn’t only our coping, it’s the culture that glorifies over-functioning and emotional suppression.
What if rhythm matters more than balance?
So what would it mean to let go of the idea of balance?
Rather than striving for perfect equilibrium, we might begin to honour life’s natural rhythm. Life moves in seasons. Some weeks are full of growth and action, while others ask for stillness and recovery. A more realistic and self-compassionate approach would acknowledge these shifts and allow us to move with them instead of resisting them.
In psychological terms, this is known as “psychological flexibility” – the ability to adjust and respond to the changing demands of life without harsh self-judgment. It means recognising that our energy, focus, and needs are not fixed. They evolve, and so should our expectations.
Research by the World Health Organization now classifies burnout as an occupational phenomenon characterized by emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and reduced effectiveness. A 2021 Harvard Business Review study also found that many people are not only tired but they are also questioning what kind of life they want to return to after the disruptions of COVID-19. This reflection suggests that people are less interested in achieving perfect balance and more interested in creating lives that feel honest and sustainable.
From achievement to attunement
Our lives today often involve navigating more than one life at a time. Many of us are workers, carers, breadwinners, students, volunteers, and friends, all in one body. Letting go of the work-life balance myth does not mean giving up on goals or responsibilities. It means redefining what success looks like and what it costs.
Instead of asking, Am I doing enough? we might ask, What do I need right now?
Instead of asking, How do I juggle it all? we might ask, What can I let go of today?
We do not need more tools for efficiency. We need more space for honesty. We need to allow ourselves the freedom to be human in a system that often forgets that we are.
If you feel like you are barely holding it together, it is not because you are failing. It is because the expectations are unreasonable and the kindest thing you can do for yourself might not be to push harder but to pause.
Letting go as a radical act
Letting go of the myth of balance means choosing self-trust over self-monitoring. It means tuning into the rhythm of your own life, rather than following someone else’s schedule. It means understanding that you will not be everything to everyone, all the time. And that this is not only okay, but necessary.
Life is not a scale that needs constant correction. It is more like a tide—always moving, always shifting. When we learn to move with it, we stop trying to perform wellness and start living more gently, more honestly, and more fully.
Your turn to reflect
If you’ve been feeling like you’re barely holding it all together, remember:
- You are not failing.
- The expectations are.
It’s okay to stop chasing balance. You’re allowed to choose peace instead.
Mental health tips for burnout & work–life integration
1. Shift from balance to boundaries
Instead of aiming for perfect balance, focus on setting compassionate boundaries. Define when work stops—emotionally, not just physically. Try:
- Creating “shutdown rituals” (e.g., lighting a candle, stepping outside, or journaling) to mark the end of the workday.
- Saying “no” without over-explaining, especially to non-urgent tasks that drain your energy.
“Boundaries are not walls—they’re bridges to better wellbeing.”
2. Build micro-rest into your day
You don’t need a two-week holiday to rest. Embed micro-rest breaks throughout your day to lower stress hormones and prevent burnout:
- 5 minutes of silence after meetings
- Short walks between tasks
- Breathing exercises during transitions
These small resets help regulate your nervous system and prevent emotional depletion.
3. Recognize the symptoms of quiet burnout
Burnout is not always dramatic. Learn to spot the subtle signs:
- Emotional flatness or irritability
- Trouble sleeping or waking up tired
- Feeling like everything is “too much” or “what’s the point?”
If you notice these symptoms, your system might be signalling overload, not weakness.
4. Redefine productivity
Let go of the idea that your worth is tied to how much you produce. Replace productivity obsession with purpose and presence:
- Ask yourself: “Did I do what mattered today?”
- Celebrate effort, not just outcomes
- Give yourself permission to rest without earning it
5. Practice values-based time use
Instead of striving to “do it all,” prioritise time in alignment with your values. Ask:
- What actually matters to me in this season of life?
- What obligations can I renegotiate or release?
- What do I want to feel more of—connection, calm, creativity?
Integration means making choices that honour both your responsibilities and your reality.
6. Create transitions between roles
Working from home or juggling multiple identities? Use intentional transitions to avoid cognitive overload:
- Change your clothing or location when switching roles (e.g., from work to parent)
- Use sound (music, meditation) to mark shifts
- Give yourself 10–15 minutes between responsibilities to reset
7. Stop glorifying “functioning” through exhaustion
High-functioning burnout is common especially in caregivers, perfectionists, and those socialized to “push through.” You can be high-performing and deeply unwell. Don’t wait until your body shuts down to give yourself permission to rest.
“Your rest is not a reward. It’s a requirement.”
8. Build a nervous system soothing toolkit
Chronic stress dysregulates your nervous system. Create a personalised toolkit of grounding techniques, like:
- Deep belly breathing
- Cold water on the face or hands
- Weighted blankets or stretching
- Gentle affirmations (e.g., “I can pause. I am allowed to slow down.”)
Use these daily, not just in crisis.
9. Reframe asking for help as strength
Burnout thrives in silence. Whether it’s a therapist, manager, partner, or community group, asking for help is a sign of insight—not inadequacy.
“If you’re carrying too much, the answer isn’t to become stronger. It’s to carry less.”
10. Practice gentle self-Inquiry, not harsh self-talk
Check in with yourself without criticism:
- What do I need more of right now?
- What am I avoiding, and why?
- Where have I been unkind to myself this week?
Self-compassion builds emotional resilience far more effectively than self-discipline alone.
