Do you, or those you know, ever experience anxiety at social events? Have you felt that heart-pounding moment when someone approaches you, and you have the urge to run away? Do you find yourself choosing to sit in the back corner of the room, hoping to remain unnoticed?
You are not alone in this. According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, approximately 4% of the global population experiences an anxiety disorder, especially social anxiety disorder (SAD).
Social anxiety is a common and often misunderstood issue that many individuals face. It’s more than just shyness; it’s an intense fear of judgment, scrutiny, and embarrassment in social situations. In a society that values constant connection and interaction, managing social anxiety can be a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
At its core, social anxiety is rooted in the fear of negative evaluation by others–constantly haunted by thoughts of being judged, rejected, or embarrassed in social events. These fears can manifest into physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, and a racing heart, making social situations incredibly daunting.
The central objective is to maintain a positive mindset. In her book “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety,” Ellen Hendriksen emphasizes this point, stating, “You’re not alone in your social anxiety, and there is hope. Acceptance and commitment therapy suggests that our minds have a negativity bias—they tend to focus on what might go wrong rather than what might go right.” This perspective encourages us to acknowledge that social anxiety is a shared experience, and despite our minds leaning towards negativity, there is room for optimism and positive outcomes.
Below are 5 techniques to manage social anxiety at social events, and set yourself on a journey to self-discovery:
#1 Acknowledge, accept, and gradual exposure
Okay, let’s keep it real–the first thing to tackle social anxiety is just admitting it’s hanging around. Acceptance isn’t about throwing in the towel; it’s more like saying, ‘Yep, these feelings are a thing, but they don’t run the show.’
Once you accept the situation slowly ease into social situations that make you nervous. Begin with less intimidating events and take it step by step. There’s this trick called systematic desensitization. It’s a therapeutic technique that helps cut down fears and anxiety through a gradual and systematic process of exposure to social events that arouse anxiety or fears. Facing social stuff bit by bit is a strong move to get used to what makes you anxious. Start small and celebrate each small victory.
Instead of worrying about what might happen or what others think, focus on the present moment. Engage in the conversation or activity happening right now.
#2 Prepare in advance for the social events
Get to know the specifics of the events like:
- What event are you attending?
- What’s the agenda for the event?
- Where is the event happening?
- Who is coming for the event?
“The more you know about something, the less room there is for fear and anxiety,” said Joesph LeCoux in his book “Anxious: Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Fear and Anxiety”
It helps to dial down the uncertainty. And here’s the deal, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Instead of focusing on yourself and how you might be perceived, shift your focus to others. Ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in what others have to say.
Edmund J. Bourne, as quoted in “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook,” wisely reminds us, “You don’t have to be perfect to be okay. In fact, it’s perfectly okay not to be perfect.”
Start with small wins, like making a quick chat with someone. If you feel unsafe having conversations, don’t give up, move away to have a brief conversation with another person whom you resonate with.
Donald Meichenbaum in his research paper suggested setting achievable and realistic social goals. Gradual success in social situations can build confidence over time.
#3 Challenge negative thoughts and seek social support
Spot those negative thoughts fueling your anxiety and give them a reality check. Ask yourself: Are these thoughts based on facts or just assumptions?
It’s like mental renovation—challenge and reframe those negative thoughts. Studies say this reshaping can seriously dial down anxiety.
Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson, authors of “The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook,” put it like this: “Challenge negative thoughts; don’t believe everything you think. Remember, your thoughts are not facts.”
If possible, attend social events with a friend or someone you’re comfortable with. Having a familiar face can provide support and ease anxiety. Connect with supportive friends or family members. Social support has been linked to better mental health outcomes.
Remember, overcoming social anxiety is a gradual process, and it’s okay to seek support. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the progress you make along the way.
#4 Self-compassion and learning social skills
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Remember that making mistakes or feeling anxious doesn’t diminish your worth.
Social skills are something you can train yourself and be good at just like any other subject or language you learn at school. Building social skills is a process that takes time and practice. It’s just that you need to initiate and practice.
Start simple which involves making eye contact, smiling, or using open body language. It’s not awkward to smile at a person minimally, just make sure you don’t scare them. Jokes apart, the more you practice, the more comfortable you may become.
Consider checking out training programs or self-help resources to boost your social skills. It’s not just about being social; it can amp up your confidence and dial down social anxiety. Learning effective communication, active listening, and empathy can help ease social interactions.
#5 Practice relaxation and positive visualization techniques
Get into some self-care routines like deep breathing, meditation, or muscle relaxation. They’re like your anti-nervousness tools. Try mindfulness and relaxation exercises to handle the physical part of anxiety. Techniques like deep breaths and muscle relaxation can help manage anxiety.
Here’s another effective technique to add to your toolkit: picture yourself excelling in social situations. Research says that thinking about success in your head can significantly influence how you feel and act. So, give positive visualization a go!
In conclusion, dealing with social anxiety is like a road trip, not a one-stop destination. It’s all about figuring out how to be real, embracing the awkward moments, and understanding that being perfect is seriously overrated. Take it one step at a time, challenge those negative thoughts, and be kind to yourself. Little by little, you’ll start feeling more at ease in social scenes.
And you’re not flying solo on this journey. If you need backup, reach out to friends, family, or pros—it can make a world of difference. Overcoming social anxiety is like your own personal adventure, filled with self-discovery, bouncing back from tough times, and slowly showing the world the real you. You got this!
