Relationships are living things.
These are the words of Bento C. Leal, an author and Relationship Skills Trainer, who goes on to describe relationships beautifully. He asks us to see them as a live entity that requires nourishment to grow, much like a baby. Our role is to nourish them with our love, support, encouragement, and time.
And yet, some relationships wither. It’s not like we are unwilling to care for our relationships. We do, but more often than not, life might get in the way. It’s not always possible for us to live close to our loved ones; over time, the distance – physical and otherwise – seeps into our relationships.
Even beyond distance, many other factors in today’s age and time threaten the well-being of our relationships, including changing priorities, neglect and complacency, and lack of intimacy. But today, we’re not here to ponder upon why relationships wither but how to re-nourish them by choosing to reconnect with our loved ones.
If you’ve been thinking of reaching out to someone you love but have somehow grown apart, this is your sign to take the first step on the path today.
Make the first move with an open heart
Whenever you take on any new endeavor – learn to drive a car, join a new course, or move to a different city, you’ll notice how the first day is often the toughest. But after you’ve done it once, the coming days start to appear easier, don’t they?
Reconnecting with someone you love can feel a little like that. Taking the first step seems challenging because it’s been a while, and you don’t know what to expect in response. In the end, this confusion and dilemma – with a hint of fear of experiencing awkwardness – keeps many of us from making the first move.
In moments like these, we often fail to see that your expectation of how the first interaction would go holds you back. So, what’s the solution here? It is to take that first step without any expectations at all.
Make peace with the fact that your first encounter may not go as you want it to; the people you love are entitled to have their own reaction to it, and that’s alright. Keep in mind that you’re taking this step not solely for them but also for yourself.
After all, if we cannot be a little vulnerable with those we love, what would be the whole point of relationships?
Highlighting the necessity of vulnerability in a relationship, Angela Amias, a therapist and co-founder of Alchemy of Love, says,
“When we try to stay safe by constructing a persona to hide behind in our relationships, we lose the opportunity to be loved for who we really are. Learning how to be vulnerable in your relationship is an act of courage, but it’s also equally necessary to avoid growing apart. You have to let yourself be seen.”
Bring in the element of intimacy
Having taken the first step, you might wonder what comes next. Well, the next step involves making up for the absence.
People – especially our loved ones – often grow apart when they’ve been out of touch for quite some time, having little idea of anything significant that might have happened in each other’s lives – a new job, moving to a different city/country, having children, and so on.
Reconnecting, in its true sense, is picking things up from where you left them. This means that you need to catch up with each other – preferably in person; if not, virtually. Learn about all the small and big developments in each other’s lives, families, and work. Also, share your biggest moments over the years, the ones they weren’t a part of.
These are some ways of re-stabilizing your relationship’s foundation, leaving no room for estrangement. However, that’s not all that you should do. Once you’re all caught up with each other, you must make it a point to bring back the intimacy.
Marcus Hunt, a therapist from Utah, emphasizes the importance of embracing continuous growth in relationships:
“Relationships are ever-evolving, so it’s crucial to grow and adapt together. Seek opportunities for personal and relational development, such as attending workshops, reading books, and investing time indulging in each others’ hobbies. Remember, growth is a lifelong journey.”
Make intentional plans to spend quality time together, doing activities you both enjoy and making more time for conversations – both casual and real. The end goal here is to build an atmosphere of comfort and trust – true mental and emotional intimacy – which fosters a new strength in your relationship.
Deal with unresolved conflicts
If half of the relationships in the world grow apart gradually with distance, the other half is probably no longer connected due to some unresolved conflict.
It could be a petty fight, an embarrassing incident, a mistake, or a misunderstanding – anything that seemed important enough to start avoiding each other over in the past. In hindsight, does that conflict even seem that crucial? The fact that you’re looking to reconnect itself indicates that it doesn’t.
And since you’ve already made up your mind on moving past old grudges, all that’s left to do is convince the person you love of the same. If you should’ve taken responsibility for any of it back then, do so now. Make amends and express your determination to change in order to make things work.
Talking about the role of self-improvement in a healthy relationship, Hunt tells PsychCentral,
“If you are willing to make your relationship better and look at yourself individually and what you need to change — rather than just what your partner needs to change — you can make strides in having a healthier relationship.”
It will reassure your partner/friend/loved one of your sincerity, making it easier for them to open up to you again, in all honesty and vulnerability.
Showing a sense of commitment can go a long way
If you’re with us so far, you’ve already approached your loved one to reconnect with an open heart, spent time together to grow intimate again, and gotten past all conflicts from the past.
The last step we’re here to walk you through is more a preventative measure. Even if you managed to reconnect with your loved one this time, you have to consider the possibility of such a thing happening again, even if it has the tiniest likelihood.
Considering all possibilities helps us be prepared for anything that might come. So, if any recurring factor in your life drives you apart from your loved ones, committing to work on them is the best thing you can do.
If it’s work that keeps you busy, plan your calendar a year in advance to make time for them. If distance is the issue, plan holidays with them to neutral locations. Embark on new experiences together, and make it a point to be present at each other’s important events. Even your tiny steps towards commitment can make strides of growth in your relationship.
Every small gesture counts
Although it might seem like happy relationships are fueled by grand gestures like taking a holiday, going on fancy cruises, wildlife adventures, or exchanging expensive presents, in truth, the foundations of closeness, intimacy, and trust are laid by the little loving gestures of everyday life.
From making morning coffee to keeping notes in your lunch box to bringing home flowers, these are the little things that truly bring two people close. Now that you know it, we hope you keep finding a hundred little ways of expressing love and gratitude for your loved ones and keep your relationship young for years to come.
