“As I watched my boss ask me what I did on the project in the middle of the meeting, I stood there frozen with a thousand thoughts running through my head, calculating the perfect response that wouldn’t embarrass me. A minute became two, two became three, and my boss gave a faint smile, asking me to sit back down as he went ahead with his presentation.” – Shreya S
In just a few sentences, Shreya has described what it feels like to live with social anxiety. For those on the outside, it might appear that Shreya was merely nervous. But social anxiety runs deeper than nervousness or even shyness.
As Shreya explains, the freezing response she describes happens all too often for it to be dismissed as temporary nervousness. “It happens every time I am in a group, be it a family gathering, a casual outing, or an office meeting!” she says. Eventually, Shreya received support from her therapist after being diagnosed with social anxiety.
Social anxiety isn’t shyness. It’s not introversion. It’s a very real disorder.
Social anxiety, which is also known as social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by the irrational fear of being judged by other people for how one looks, talks, or behaves in a formal or an informal social setting, so much so that it affects their personal and professional growth.
It could be described as-
“The paralyzing fear of being judged to a point where every social interaction feels like a battle to face.”
In India, about 16% of college students are estimated to have social anxiety disorder, and as many as 38 million Indians live with anxiety disorders, including social anxiety.
Where fear dominates: Living with social anxiety
“I would often feel overwhelmed by fear in social situations like meeting friends and family or new people, having to speak in public,” explains Shreya . As a result, she found herself tongue-tied and rarely spoke what she felt because she felt caged by the fear of how the other person would react and judge her for her words.
Once again, Shreya is pointing out a classic symptom of social anxiety. Fear of ridicule or judgment can cause unbearable anguish and distress to those who live with social anxiety.
The fear of interacting with another person would send chills down her spine and this fear of humiliation would often manifest in physical symptoms like extensive sweating, palpitations, breathlessness, dizziness, and nausea.
The combination of mental anguish and actual physical distress can lead people to avoid social interactions altogether or any situation that requires them to speak in a social setting.
But while anxiety is real and can often be debilitating, it can be managed.
Ankita Magdani, who is a therapist based out of Dubai, says that anxiety can be managed first with awareness.
“Awareness gives you the power to choose, and choice gives you some control,” she explains, adding that she often advises her clients to practice self-compassion along with awareness. “Because everyone else is entitled to their opinion as much as you are, and not everyone has to like you.”
Along with awareness, Ankita suggests these other steps to manage social anxiety:
- Practicing clear communication: Jot down what you want to say so that you can express it clearly and give the other person a chance to understand what exactly they can help you with
- Not assuming another person’s reaction: Most of the time, we assume what the other person thinks of us and keep ourselves from expressing ourselves. When in reality, moving without assumptions fosters ease and helps in building genuine relationships where both parties can express themselves freely.
3. Overcoming the fear of judgment: If the fear of judgment paralyzes you from speaking, then understand that every human makes mistakes, and getting back up to try again is what people will remember more than faltering.
Also, know that not everyone has to like you and that you can only set yourself free when you don’t tie yourself to others’ opinions.
4. Offering help: Ask people if there’s something you can help them with and understand their shortcomings; this will not only help you build a bond but also make you aware of the fact that everyone’s fighting a battle that no one knows about
5. Explore activities that demand you to get over your thoughts: Try to do things that don’t let you get caught up in your thoughts, be it any activity like painting, swimming, playing a sport, or interacting with others because most of the time we get so consumed by our thoughts that we don’t give life a chance to unfold naturally without our assumptions clouding our belief.
6. Lastly, know what is in your control and what isn’t: If you find yourself in a train of thought where you can only see the negative connotations, challenge your perception by reflecting on the possible things that could go right.
The last is often neglected but critical, says Ankita. “Understanding and detaching ourselves from what we can’t control and associating ourselves only to what we can control is one of the most liberating things we can do for ourselves.”
So the next time you find yourself in a place where you’re scared of what they think of you, remind yourself that every person has the right to enjoy the freedom of disliking other people and being disliked by other people, sometimes with no fault of a person.
Social anxiety can be difficult to manage. Frightening to cope. But with the right help, those with social anxiety can lead full lives.
